Being a new parent is rough! Yes, creating and bringing this beautiful soul into the world is an incredible experience, but that does not mean that the first few weeks/months will be just as magical.
Are you loving it?
Are you loving it? This question really only leaves you with one “appropriate” answer. Because come on, what do you mean you’re not loving it?!
“Yes, actually! I am really loving my 3rd degree tear/C-section wound, wearing these diapers make me feel super ~sexy~, and I love this new fragrance I am wearing, I call it I haven’t been able to shower in 3 days and there is spit up on this shirt.”
Please do not ask a new mom if she is “loving it”. Of course she loves her child, but maybe she would also just love some help, maybe 5 minutes to take a shower, and zero judgement.
You look tired
“Me? Tired? No way! I got the most refreshing 3 hours of sleep last night, I feel like a million bucks!” She says as she nods off into her 3rd cup of coffee.
Can we take a second to talk about how unnecessary this comment is? Obviously, being a new mom, or just a mom in general, you are probably exhausted more often than not. But why point it out? Instead of subtly commenting on the bags under her eyes, lend her a hand! Maybe offer up your babysitting services, or see if you can take something off of her to-do list so she can just sit down.
Don’t you miss your kids?
First things first, kids are expensive! Full time daycare can often be the same, if not more than a mortgage! Everyone’s situation is different, and if you are blessed enough to live off of one income, then I am truly happy for you! I, personally, do not fit into this category and like many other moms, I had to go back to work after having my little one.
To answer the question, YES! Yes, of course I miss my daughter while I am at work. I would also miss the food on the table, clothes on our backs, and roof over our heads if I did not go to work. All this question does is make a mother feel guilty for providing for her family, which is ridiculous! Would you also ask a dad the same question? Food for thought.
Stay at Home Moms:
What do you do all day?
Before you ask this question, think back to all of those days that you were counting the seconds until bedtime. Those days where the dishes were overflowing onto the counter, the laundry needed done, the little humans needed fed, and you were about to snap, and it wasn’t even noon yet! We have all been there, and if you haven’t been, please share your secret.
When the thought crosses your mind, “hey, I wonder what she does all day” do me a favor, don’t ask. Instead, think back to these days and ask yourself, “Did I have any trouble finding something to do?” Chances are your to-do list was never ending. Do not assume that because a mom stays home with the kids while you drive to the office, that she spends her day in a silky robe and slippers, binge watching Netflix, while her kids clean the house. Chances are her day is just as hard, if not harder, than yours.
Are you the mom?
But you are so young!
So this is probably number one on my list.
Like “No, shes not mine. I just borrowed her for the grocery store because I just ~love~ saying no to these pop tarts 1,000 times.” This question is usually followed by that dreaded, “oh but you are so young!” Thank you, and you are not, lets move on. All joking aside I can not tell you how many times I have heard this one. I became a mom at the young age of 18. I was just old enough to sign my own paperwork at the hospital for Aubrey’s birth. Sure, I was young, and to society’s standards I did things way out of order, but does that really matter?
What people do not acknowledge is the fact that in addition to having a daughter, I also have a roof over my head, a great job, and a very happy little family. The same cannot be said for some people twice my age. Having my daughter at a younger age did mean that I had to grow up a little faster, but does not mean that I am missing out on anything. In fact, if anything I have more! More energy to keep up, more years to make memories, and I get to love her that much longer. The truth is, there is no set age for motherhood, and no one should judge you on this, or give you that “oh that’s unfortunate” look.